Jessica Harper / Janet Majors
Cliff de Young / Brad Majors

Brad:
Dear blender
Oh won't you help a first offender ?
Oh, toaster
Don't you put the burn on me ?
Refrigerator, why are we always sooner or later ?
Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night

Dear knife drawer
Now won't you help me to face life more ?
Oh, trashcan
Don't you put the dirt on me ?
Oh percolator, why are we always sooner or later ?
Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night

Janet:
Everything used to be ok
But I've been had
And Brad, I'm glad to say, is on his way-ay !

Micro-digital awaker, why are we always sooner or later ?
Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night

Shower curtain
Oh won't you help me to be certain ?
Oh, toothpaste
Don't you put the squeeze on me ?
Depilitator, why are we always sooner or later ?
Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night

Janet:
Tell me spectator, why are always sooner or later ???

Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night!