I have a dream,
I'm here to tell.
About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel
Yes it's one of a kind, right here in Hell
Catering to a specific clientele
(Oooh-ooh-ooh)


Inside of every demon is a rainbow,
Inside every sinner is a shiny smile!
Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac,
Is a jolly, happy, cupcake-loving child!

We can turn them 'round!
They'll be heaven-bound!
With just a little time down at the Happy Hotel!


So, all you junkies, freaks and weirdos,
Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks, and zeroes,
And downfallen superheroes, hope is here!

All of you cretins, sluts and losers,
Sexual deviants and boozers, and prescription drug abusers
Need not fear
Forever again
We'll cure your sin
We'll make you well, you'll feel so swell
Right here in Hell, at the Happy Hotel!

There'll be no more fire
And no more screams,
Just puppy dog kisses, and cotton candy dreams,
And puffy-wuffy clouds, you're gonna be like "Wow!"
Once you check in with meeeee~!


So, all your cartoon porn addictions,
Vegan rants, psychic predictions,
Ancient Roman crucifixions
End right here!

All you monsters, thieves and crazies,
Cannibals and crying babies,
Frothing mouth that's full of rabies,
Filled with cheer!

You'll be complete! It'll be so neat!
Our service can't be beat! You'll be on easy street! (Yes!)
Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel~!

(Yeah!)